You guessed it, this post addresses the confusing discussion of pronouns and their significant value in the trans community. *SPOILER ALERT* It's not actually that confusing, and if we can free our minds of the societally constructed gender binary, it becomes quite simple.
Pronouns and preferred names are often a huge challenge in the transition process for trans people. Changing a name, changing "he" to "she," or "she" to "they," and even changing the sex from "male" to "female" on a driver's license can become near impossible tasks without the support of trans-affirming allies. This isn't like changing a last name to break a family tie or start a marriage, it's about finding one's true identity and individual truth of expression. Many people go by a name other than their legal name, think "Katie" instead of "Katherine," or "Jake" instead of "Jacob," or even a middle name. If your student prefers a name that differs from the "legal name" listed on your roster, use it. It is common for a trans person to go by a preferred name long before legal changes on licenses and documents might occur.
Jackson Hearns and Kremer discuss this at length in their book, The Singing Teacher’s Guide to Transgender Voices (the best source available on transgender singers), but pronouns are slowly making their way into society. We hear them in introductions or on programs, especially in liberal and/or academic environments. For example, "Hi, I’m Tristan and my pronouns are he/him/his," is and should become a normal part of our communication.
What can I do?
An easy way to begin creating a welcoming and gender-inclusive environment in your studio is to include your own pronouns when introducing yourself and encourage students to participate as well if they are comfortable. Many wrongfully assume that if they are cisgender (someone who's gender identity is the same as the sex/gender assigned at birth), they shouldn’t need to specify their pronouns, but this is only because of the strong female/male binary our society has created that assumes gender based on appearance. I repeat, you cannot assume someone's gender nor their pronouns based on physical appearance or gender expression. Think about how often we all do this every day: "thank you sir" to the person that held the door for us, or "yes ma'am" to the waitress (even waiter and waitress are gendered words!) at dinner. This is a habit we should break as quickly as we can as educators and members of society.
*If you're getting confused with terminology (That's ok! It's a lot to learn.), check out The Voice Lab's page here with some basic definitions.*
A student's gender should never be assumed, and until pronouns have been specified, the student's preferred name should be used, and if referring to the student, their name or "they" can be used. Some students may prefer they/them/their, or even ze/zir/zirs, among many other options. "Mx." (pronounced "mix) is also a recognized alternative to Ms., Mrs., and Mr. Many academic institutions have added options for students to specify their preferred name and pronouns on their student profile, but this is not available yet everywhere. Be an advocate for this! It can be a simple but extremely effective tool.
A problematic pronoun for many resistant skeptics seems to be "they," because English language learning told us one time it is a plural pronoun for more than one person, when in fact most of us use it as a genderless pronoun without a second thought. If someone left a credit card on the table by accident, someone might say, "Do you think they'll call the restaurant to ask if it's here?" Doesn't that sentence sound very normal, using they as a singular pronoun? (The answer is yes, yes it does!)
We habitually use they when we don’t know a person's gender, so why is this an issue for so many people when someone prefers being addressed with this pronoun in a singular manner? That's right! It shouldn't be, and one's own ignorance does not constitute hiding behind an old and out-dated grammar rule for a plural they. Merriam-Webster Dictionary agrees—it's singular.
I said the wrong thing.
Mistakes will happen. Be gracious with yourself and others. There are complex and centuries old societal and structural changes at play. If you address a student by the wrong name or use an incorrect pronoun, make the correction and move forward. This person has probably heard, "Oh my gosh I'm SO SO sorry! I meant to call you John, NOT Amy! That was an accident!" enough times. "Amy... excuse me, John," will likely suffice.
The more quickly you can adapt your brain to be flexible and use preferred names and pronouns, the more you will welcome transgender students into the voice studio and into your life. Though this hurdle is improving in academia for trans students, it is still not accessible everywhere and to everyone. All in all, it is essential as an educator to break down the societal binary of men and women carved into our society through bathroom segregation, clothing, and even hair care products—there are not just two genders.
Learn More
"She? Ze? They? What’s In a Gender Pronoun," a great article from The New York Times.
"Understanding Non-Binary People: How to Be Respectful and Supportive," from the National Center for Transgender Equality.
"Beyond the Gender Binary," a TEDx Talk by Dr. Margaret Nichols, psychologist, sex therapist, and Executive Director of the Institute for Personal Growth
Something to note: Dr. Nichols uses the term "biological" male and female. A better term is Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB) or Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB).
There are many, many other TEDx talks on this topic. Explore!